Politics vs. Fanaticism

I find videos like this both amusing and disturbing, but not necessarily for the reasons the makers of the video might have intended.



Let's get the obvious points and counter-points that the video brings up out of the way: That Sarah Palin's supporters are uneducated zombies who get their political opinions spoon fed to them by FOX News talking points; that Obama has just as many mindless supporters who are simply swayed by his elegant speaking; and that the makers of the video are obviously going to edit out any intelligent responses. (Points which the makers of the video address in the "more info" section of their YouTube page, if you're interested.)

No, the thing that really gets me about this video are the points brought up from 3:23 through 4:10. Because a lot of these things are very similar to the things I was saying about Geroge W. Bush in 2005.


(1) "I think that [Sarah Palin] would acknowledge a system of government in the United States, rather than focus on an administration of czars."
"I'm an American. We don't have czars in America."

Okay, I'll admit right off the bat that I'm a little hazy on the whole "czar" concept. Wikipedia describes it by saying "the title Czar (derived from Caesar) meant Emperor in the European medieval sense of the term, that is, a ruler who claims the same rank as a Roman emperor, with the approval of another emperor or a supreme ecclesiastical official (the Pope or the Ecumenical Patriarch)"

So what I think this woman is getting at is that Obama's the head Emperor and his cabinet are the Czar of the Interior, the Czar of Defense, the Czar of Education, etc. I'm not sure where this thinking comes from; they have no more power than the previous administration did, and have done nothing to indicate to me that they believe they're now appointed for life.

Here's why this one reminded me of myself: Another thing we don't have in America is imperial dynasties. This is why I didn't want to vote for Hillary Clinton. After two Bushes and 1 Clinton already, setting up a second Clinton struck me too much as dynasty building. If Jeb Bush ever runs for president, will this woman not vote for him because it's reinforcing the Bush family dynasty? Or are unAmerican methods of government okay with her when it's her party doing it?

Not the same as the czar comparison, because the Bushes all served sequential terms, whereas czars all rule at once, but if you're going to talk about the American government being run in an unAmerican governmental style, then the similarity between this woman's thoughts on the right and my thoughts on the left still hit home with me.

(2) "The way I think the country is going, I'm wondering whether or not we're going to have a presidential election in 2012. I know there's some backroom talk of martial law."
"I'll give you one scenario that would absolutely do it: is if an atom bomb goes off in the United States."

In 2005 I was sure that Bush was going to find a way to lift the term limits so he could get in for a third term. I also thought there was a chance he would do away with the 2008 election all together if a terrorist attack happened sometime that year. I didn't really believe it, but I thought the possibility was there.

(3) "We're no longer an exceptional country. We're no longer the shining light, the beacon to the world of what a society should look to be as far as freedom."

I definitely felt this way during the previous administration. Of course, there was the Patriot Act, the illegal wire tapping of American citizens, and Alberto Gonzales calling the Geneva Convention "quaint" and "obsolete." There was also a study at the time that said Canada was now looked at as the most free country in the world, as opposed to Obama being recently given the Nobel Peace Prize for simply not being Bush.




So, to sum it all up, we both had the exact same fears about two radically different presidents.

What this all drives home to me is that Obama is not going to unite this country like I'd hoped. The people on the (far?) right are just as afraid of him as I was of Bush. What we're really going to need to bring this country back together in 2012 (well, 2016 hopefully) is a president who is moderate enough that neither side is going to feel threatened.

But what I've been seeing in the country in general, and this video in specific, makes me wonder if both sides wouldn't simply be unable to accept such a candidate, with the left tearing them down any chance they got for being too conservative and the right doing the same because they feel he (or she) is too liberal.

How much of this animosity from the right is a backlash effect from the animosity we on the left had for Bush? And more importantly, how much of both of them are coming from a blind dislike for the unlike? With FOX News and MSNBC both doing anything they can to tear down the parties they disagree with, people are not just opposed to the other party, they're afraid of them. I feel like we're becoming less of a country with different political parties and more of a country of different American factions. The passion and fervor that both sides are displaying seems to be getting dangerous close to zeal and fanaticism.

Why the Concept of Entropy Should be Important to 9-Year-Olds.

This morning I gave Mylene this big explanation of the concept of entropy, and what a wonderful feeling it is when your room is clean but that the forces of entropy cause it to always fall back into being messy. And I pointed out how amazing we are as living beings that we can actually fight back against this cosmic force that will eventually even cause the universe itself to fall apart. Unlike the inanimate objects of the universe we can rail against it, even if it's just in a small way, by keeping ourselves as healthy as we can, and by restoring our dirty rooms back to their previous state, and wasn't that amazing! "Does that make sense?" I asked. "Not really," she answered. "You're boring me."

So I thought about that for a second. And I said, "Okay, how about this: CLEAN YOUR ROOM!"

It turns out my kid prefers the direct approach to the wonders of the cosmos. Sigh.

Self-Brainwashing and Radical Acceptance

My oldest buddy, who this week is going by "Mr. Stupid," posted this blog:

True or Untrue?

Here's my reply:

For me the big "Wow, I could be brainwashed" moment was watching V for the first time. I knew that if a bunch of aliens showed up saying they were friendly and offering a "Visitor Youth" program, I'd have been the first in line to sign up! Would I be willing and able to see what was really going on, or would I have swallowed their explanations because it was what I wanted to see?

I think we all have the power to brainwash ourselves. It's easy to see things how we think they should be, and then categorize everything we see as either true or false based on that definition of "should." Then what we see that matches with "how things should be" reinforces our definition of true, and what we see that doesn't match reinforces our definition of untrue.

I think that's a big part of why we, as a country, have become so politically divided-- between the pundits and the blogs and the biased news channels (FOX News and MSNBC, specifically) we all now have people appealling to that sense of "should."

My DBT therapy says that "should" is a word that signifies a judgment. By saying "Well, they should know not to do that!" or "I shouldn't have to deal with that!" you're trying to fit the world into what you WANT it to be, and not accepting it for what it really is. And so when we listen to Rush Limbaugh or Al Frankin, they reinforce our shoulds or shouldn'ts, and we help brainwash ourselves because we've got them telling us we're right. (For the record, I won't listen to Air America or watch MSNBC for this very reason... I'm naturally liberal enough on my own, I don't want to have it reinforced!)

DBT calls the answer to this "Radical Acceptance"-- being willing to see a situation for what it simply is or isn't, without our assigning values to what we feel it should or shouldn't be. It doesn't mean you're giving approval to it; you're refraining from approving or disapproving, and trying to see it simply for what it IS. From there you can make a more rational decision, rather than just reacting from your gut. I think it helps us to break through the self-brainwashing that we've been unconsciously doing to ourselves our entire lives.

Banning the Lightbulb

So, have you seen those goofy new twisty lightbulbs?I guess that's probably a dumb question by now, and the question's more of, have you started using those goofy new twisty lightbulbs yet?

We have. We jumped on them right away when we heard you didn't have to change them as often. (It's not a laziness thing, it's more that we were constantly going through lightbulbs.) And hearing that they give off less greenhouse gases and thus reduce global warming makes them quite welcome in our house.

They do have day-to-day down sides: they take a while to warm up. I'm afraid to put them in a lamp where the lampshade grips the bulb. And of course they mess up the "vanity mirror" look, so I still use regular old incandescent bulbs for those.

Then I discovered I couldn't just throw them away because they have mercury in them. So now I save all of them in a box and drop them off at the county Hazardous Waste Household Collection Day... which is five hours once a year in September. This year's is next week (Sept. 22), and I have a lot of lightbulbs for them because I forgot about it last year.

Now, I don't mind having a "burned out lightbulb" box in my closet, but I can see how a lot of people wouldn't know or just plain wouldn't be willing to go to the effort of having to drive somewhere to dump off their old lightbulbs once a year. So realistically speaking, I know a lot of these lightbulbs are just going to get thrown away, resulting in more mercury poisoning of the ground and water.

So I have mixed feelings about this article I read today:

Backlash Over Light-bulb Ban Continues to Build in Europe

In case the link doesn't work, that's at:

http://www.dailyfinance.com/2009/09/11/backlash-over-light-bulb-ban-continues-to-build-in-europe/?icid=main|welcome|dl3|link7|http%3A%2F%2Fwww.dailyfinance.com%2F2009%2F09%2F11%2Fbacklash-over-light-bulb-ban-continues-to-build-in-europe%2F

Now on the one hand, I totally believe this change is necessary. The Earth is hitting its point-of-no-return thresholds, and we need to do something, and if this will help and you're just whining because you don't like change, well, you'll just have to deal.

But on the flip side, the mercury poisoning risks are a serious issue. I hate to not give people credit and call for things to be dumbed down, but the basic truth is without a simple, convenient way to safely dispose of these, most people are just going to toss them in the trash when they go mandatory.

And this is going to be mandatory in the US starting in 2014. And I'm sure there will be lots of complaints of government interference and we have the right to use whatever bulb we want and the world's not really dying and blah blah blah. And I'm sure many people will jump on the mercury risk as why they don't want to use this bulb, but y'know, I think a lot of these people are really just going to be more bent out of shape that their lightbulbs now look funny and cost more and that the change is being forced on them. Well guess what, the bottom line is something has to be done NOW. That's going to mean some forced changes are necessary, and really, as long as we can all be responsible grown-ups and dispose of these correctly, this is a pretty painless change to have to make.

Thankfully, it looks like people are starting to step up to provide national drop-off points to make it easier. Ikea, ACE Hardware and (most) True Value hardware stores are now accepting the burnt out CLF bulbs for recycling.

And lastly, here's a link to the EPA's page on the subject, which has a link to where you can find a drop-off near you in all 50 states.

http://www.epa.gov/epawaste/hazard/wastetypes/universal/lamps/index.htm

Or failing that, if you can get your bulbs to me by September 21, I'll drop them off myself! :P

I remember Spy

There used to be a female graffiti artist around Greensburg and Jeannette named Spy. I know Spy was female because she would sometimes sign her work "Female Graffiti Artist" with asymbol. And she did some really creative stuff. Once there was a Sprite billboard that she altered "Obey Your Thirst" into "Obey Your SPY." Another billboard had the numbers in an odometer altered so the only thing they read was S P Y vs. S P Y. A local stop sign had been altered so it no longer said STOP, it now said SPY. They were always clever and well thought out, and it made Joy and me start looking at all the signs around town a little closer to see what else she would come up with.

Then she started doing regular old graffiti of her name on bridges and stuff, which I thought was disappointing. Then it stopped altogether.

I saw one of her old logo-on-a-building ones in Jeannette today, and I thought how ironic it was that the boring, uncreative ones are the ones that lasted, and the creative ones-- by their very nature of often being on billboards-- are gone forever. I wish I'd taken a picture of at least one of them at the time.

I also have to wonder what her story was. What led her to start doing this in the first place? What caused her to quit being creative and just be a vandal? Did she just quit altogether, or did she move out of the area? Was she normally level headed and this was her means of expression, or was she troubled and moved on to worse things and got arrested? Has she become a professional artist, or is she working in a warehouse or a Burger King or something?

I'll never know, of course, but when I found my mind wandering down this road this afternoon, I thought how amazing it was that someone who I'll never know anything about was able to make me wonder so much about her by using just a spraycan.

Messing with the Classics

I had two foods today which could arguably be called classics of the frozen pizza world: Stouffer's French Bread Pizza, and Pepperoni Hot Pockets.

The difference is both of them have recently been... changed.

In the case of the Hot Pockets, this is a good thing. They're now branded "Hot Pockets Pizzeria," but that's purely cosmetic. Let's face it, the only frozen pizza lower than a Hot Pocket is a generic Hot Pocket. But now the Pizzeria Hot Pockets have a different seasoned crust. And it really works! It gives it that little extra zing that it so desperately needs. So this "new and improved" classic gets a big thumbs up from The Pizza Tourist. (That's me. Joy wants me to start a new blog page talking about pizza, and who am I to argue? But it's not ready yet, so consider this a warm-up.)

Then we have Stouffer's French Bread Pizza, which I consider to be way at the top of the Frozen Pizza food chain. (Especially since Roxanne got me to try the micro-bake cooking method!) Now I always get a little nervous when I see "New and Improved!" on my frozen pizzas, but I figured it worked for Hot Pockets and Totino's Pizza Rolls, so I'd go into it being optimistic.

And to be honest, as I was cooking it I forgot all about the change in recipe. It smelled great, it looked great, and I was very hungry, so I eagerly dived right into it. But as I was eating it I kept waiting for the bliss to hit me, that high that I usually get from a Stouffer's French Bread Pizza which tells me my dopamines have kicked in. Instead, I started noticing a spicy build-up in the back of my throat. And then I remembered... this is the "New and Improved Recipe." I continued on with an open mind and hope that this new recipe was going to win me over.

Unfortunately the spicy feeling in the back of throat just kept building up, to the point where I considered getting some bread or something to offset it. Worse yet, it stayed with me for a few hours after I finished the pizza. Now I don't mind a spicy pizza, but that's not what I want from Stouffer's.

I'd say this new recipe dragged what I used to consider a five-star frozen pizza down to a two-star frozen pizza. I found their website and politely asked them to go back to the original recipe, but I doubt that'll count for much. File this "new and improved recipe" with New Coke.

UPDATE: Stouffer's sent me some coupons, including one for a free entrée. I have to admit, it's a good idea: didn't like the pizza? Feel like you'll never buy it again? Here, try it once more for free, maybe you'll find it wasn't so bad after all. And who knows, it might work.

However, I found it very amusing that the flyer had what I assume is Stouffer's new slogan on it:

Yes! Please, fix my Stouffer's French Bread Pizza Dinner! Either that, or if ain't broken, don't fix it.

The Entertainment Trap

Here's how a typical conversation will go between me and Rich:

"So, did you see last night's Stargate Atlantis?"

"Naww, I'm two episodes behind. I was getting caught up on my comics. Are you caught up on Final Crisis yet?"

"No, I still have four issues backed up. I've been too busy trying to get caught up on the Legacy of the Force books and yet not fall behind on the latest Star Trek books."

Can you see the problem here?

I've seen this in many of my friends blogs too. (I'm looking at you, Jonathan. ;) ) When did our entertainment become something we had to keep up with?

Which isn't to say that it isn't fun. If I wasn't enjoying Atlantis, Final Crisis, Legacy of the Force, Trek books, and so many many more, I wouldn't bother with them. TV shows have learned to use what I loved about anime and comic books for decades-- ongoing story arcs and character growth. Gone are the days of interchangeable episodes-- nowadays, if you want to try out a show, you need to get the box set and start at episode 1.

But somewhere along the line I think we got too much of a good thing. I now have so much that I'm into already that I'm very, very selective about giving any new shows or comics a chance. Because time is so valuable.

And there's the key of it-- time. We also need time for our friends, our families, our jobs, our responsibilities...

Because, really, those are what's most important. Is my life really going to be worse off if I don't get around to watching Sarah Connor Chronicles? No, of course not. Oh sure, someone might spoiler something for me, which will make me angry for a little while, but it's not like it's going to change my life. [And on a short tangent here-- part of the reason that we have that need to be caught up is to keep from being out of the loop in our fandom communities. But that's a blog for another time.]

I've realized that by having to set goals for all my entertainment just "to stay caught up," I've actually started putting pressure on myself. ("Let's see, I need to read 45 pages a day to get this book done by the time the next book comes out...")

So the first thing to go was all my entertainment goals.

After that, I started realizing my hobby goals were doing the same thing to me. (Have to get at least one volume of the home movies copied to DVD per week, etc etc etc...)

What was left was my personal growth goals -- exercising, meditation, and getting enough sleep -- and my household goals.

And while the household goals are definitely important, I found myself actually getting more done when I didn't distract myself by meeting goals with them. Just doing what needed to be done that moment, and not trying to multitask. Not feeling like "If I don't get two loads of laundry done a day, the house will fall apart!" It won't. I can still say "Oh, lookitdat, only one pair of underwear left, and it's the one with all the holes in it. I think I'll make today a laundry day."

Goals are a good thing, but I've decided it's better to prioritize them and leave them tied to responsibilities. By letting my entertainment and hobbies be something I had to be "caught up with," it was becoming another pressure. So I'm letting that pressure go-- my goal is now to let go of my goals. :)

Here's Cassidy.

This is Cassidy. Cassidy was rescued by Roxanne at the PetSmart where she works. Poor little Cassidy had been abandoned there with a broken pelvis.

Roxanne took her to several vets. The first vet told her he believed there was nerve damage, and recommended that she be put down. The second vet told her to keep her in a cage for six weeks so she didn't strain the broken pelvis, and give it a chance to heal.

So when Joy, Mylene and I visited Roxanne and Derek for the 4th of July, Joy was taken with her and wanted to bring her home. At which point she named her Cassidy. (As in Hopalong Cassidy, since when she walked she had to hop. The fact that I'm posting this on James Cassidy's birthday is just a complete coincidence.)

We took her to our vet, who said he felt she'd spent enough time in the cage and should try and use the leg as much as she could. And boy, could she! She scampers and plays and climbs... although she doesn't jump very much. She uses the leg better and better every day. At her last trip to the vet, the vet said she'd regained 80% of the usage in her leg!

She is QUITE the cuddler.

And she is VERY fierce when hunting down Webkinz Bunnies.

Snickers likes playing with her too, but I don't have any pictures of that yet.

We're all very happy that Cassidy has joined our family!!




Well... all of us except Ivanova, that is.

Information Society Concert in Philly

I've tried starting this blog about four times! This was a really big deal to me, on a LOT of different levels. So forgive me if the story wanders a bit. I have a lot to cover!

Okay, so basic set up here: I think everyone knows that Information Society is one of my all-time favorite bands. They splintered into various solo acts in the mid-90's, and then went into totally different careers by the time 2000 rolled around. So my favorite band was essentially dead and gone. So I was already thrilled when they got back together again in 2006, and put out a GREAT album in 2007 called Synthesizer.

They're not doing a lot of concerts, so when they announced in November that they were coming to Philly in January, I knew I HAD to go to this show. I had no idea how I was going to pull it off, but still, I started trying to make some plans.

As December started drawing to a close, those plans were falling apart. I was getting bummed about it, and I realized I needed to rearrange my thinking. Look at this realistically, I told myself-- I don't HAVE to go to this show. I just really, really WANT to go to this show. Once I realized that distinction in my mind, I found an inner peace with not being able to go. There was still regret, definitely, but in the larger scale of things I have what I NEED-- a loving family, wonderful friends, a roof over our head and food on the table.

The show was being filmed for a DVD release, which was something of a mixed blessing-- on the one hand, I'd defintely get to see the show eventually... on the other hand, I know every other time something like this has happened, I've watched the video with a bittersweet feeling in my chest that I could have actually been there for it, been a part of it, but I wasn't. But I decided I really wanted to look at the glass as half full, and made my peace with the fact that I'd at least be able to still see the show when it came out on DVD.

So I contacted everyone I'd been making plans with to let them know I wasn't going to be able to make it... and then some very wonderful people stepped up to make sure it would all come together for me. Elizabeth made sure I'd be able to get to the show. Steve made sure I'd be able to get my ticket. And AJ made sure I'd be able to have a place to stay.

I felt so blessed I thought my heart would burst. :) Seriously, I don't know what I did to deserve having so many people looking out for me and watching over me. Thank you again, one and all!!!!

As I was packing to leave on Saturday morning, Joy and I were talking about all the various details about the trip, and I realized... this is a very big thing I'm accomplishing here. I've been so held down by depression and anxiety over the last year that the very concept of me traveling across the state by myself, meeting someone I've never met in person before, and reuniting with a friend I haven't seen in over 15 years... I never could have done this two months ago. I would have been panicking and/or so afraid of what people would think of me that I would have just given up as soon as the first stumbling blocks came up. The very fact that I was making this trip-- and felt totally confident of my ability to make it-- was a huge step forward for me! I pointed this out to Joy and she gave me a hug, telling me how glad she was of how far I've come.

I left a message on James's myspace page to say I was on my way to the show, and he sent me back a message saying how glad he was that I was going to make it and asking if my daughter was coming! How cool is that??

So off I went, spirits high, Mapquest directions in hand, bags full of snacks and water, and my iPod shuffling all my InSoc (just to be uber-geeky). I made it to AJ's with very little trouble, and he showed me his place and we chatted for an hour or so before I had to leave for the show. Seeing him again was good. He's changed in a lot of ways but in many ways it felt like the old days when I'd hang out at his place.

So, next stop: The Trocadero Theater! I had forgotten what it was like to drive through a big city freeway that you're not familiar with at dark. A bit stressful, but I made it with no problems, and found parking easily enough. After a few false starts of walking the wrong way, I reached the theater at about 7:15 and got in line. I was only there for about ten minutes, when the next people to get in line behind me were none other than Ghost in Daylight, PsiFi and Elizabeth! We recognized each other from our profiles and made our official hellos and chatted a bit.

I stood in line with a feeling of amazement and disbelief. I was actually here. This was really going to happen! I had totally resigned myself to missing all this, yet here I was. I could tell I had this big dopey grin on my face but I just didn't care.

They let us in around 8:15, and we made our way towards the stage. There were two opening acts, Cesium 137 and Thou Shalt Not, which I might have enjoyed a bit more if a) I was familiar with their music and/or b) the volume was about 100 decibles lower. I usually love watching live bands I know nothing about, and they were both totally energetic and fun to watch, but in both cases it was just hard to make out anything they were playing. At one point the vibrations were physically getting to be too much, and all of a sudden I just had this realization that I was totally crowded in and I could feel the panic rising. So I closed my eyes and centered myself-- one of the things my counselor has talked with me about is the concept of a "teflon mind," where you see what the situation is and what you're feeling and you acknowledge it, but you just let it slide off, without taking it inside yourself. So that's what I did, I just acknowledged that yes, I am feeling panicked but there's nothing really to panic over, and I'm here to have a good time, so let's just let the panic go and relax and have a good time. And it totally worked. :)

And then, at last, Information Society takes the stage. Now, I've seen them twice before-- once in 1990 during their "Hack" tour, and once in 1992 for the "Peace & Love Inc." tour, so I thought I had some idea of what I was in for. Boy, was I wrong. The 1990 show was very abrupt-- Kurt had very little banter between the songs, and when the last song was over he just said "Thank you, goodnight," left the stage, and that was it. No encores, no nothin'. The 1992 show was a little more friendly, and James came out and talked to us a little after the show and signed some autographs-- unfortunately I wasn't expecting that so I didn't have my autograph book with me for him to sign. I remember leaving that show feeling that James was the one who seemed the most relaxed with the whole thing, since Kurt and Paul both looked so serious on stage.

But this... this was a whole new Kurt. He had clowned on stage in the other shows, but in this one he just seemed the most relaxed I've ever seen him on stage. He was chatting between every song, and interacting with the crowd. "Now that we're officially washed up, we can do whatever the hell we want," he quipped.

The set itself was a wonderful blend, alternating between songs off of Synthesizer and classics from the older albums. They had said they were going to do stuff from even their early self-released EPs, but I was still shocked when they did "Growing Up with Shiva"-- one of my favorite tracks from their first EP, but one I never DREAMED I'd get to see live. I was figuring they'd probably do "Fall in Line," so this was a very pleasant surprise.

So I'm just enjoying the show, thrilling in every moment. I'd watch Kurt a lot since he was the center of attention, then James for a bit, then Paul for a bit. And so I'm watching Paul... and then stops, looks right at me, and mouths "Hi, Fer." And I am like TOTALLY BLOWN AWAY. He actually recognized little ol' me in the crowd!! So I just flash him a peace sign, he gives me a thumbs up, and goes back to making his music. I still get this warm fuzzy glow anytime I think about it. :)

And here's the real kicker-- someone caught it on tape!! After the show I was searching for clips on YouTube, and I freaked out all over again when the 45 second clip someone posted turned out to be of THAT moment. What are the odds?!? So here it is. For those of you who don't know the band, Paul's the tall blonde one on the right. Keep your eyes on him, you can practically read his lips saying "Hi Fer"!!!!!





Seriously, HOW COOL IS THAT?!?

To top it off, later in the set they played "I Like the Way You Werk It," and the monitors ran footage from their video for the song. To make this video they had asked that the fans send in footage of themselves doing the robot, and both Elizabeth and Mylene & I had done it. I didn't know if they would use all the clips they used in the video-- but they used Elizabeth's, and then there, larger than life on three giant monitors, was the clip of Mylene, MY KID, doing the robot!! Man, I hope that shows up on the DVD.

So after the show, we all hung around for a bit, hoping the band would show up. This time, I had my autograph book! After the '92 show I figured getting James's autograph was a safe bet, and I was hoping for Paul's, but I figured Kurt was probably gone. So I was shocked when Elizabeth pointed behind me and said "There's Kurt!" James and Paul also showed up shortly after, so I went to talk to them briefly first, to tell them how much I loved the show, and they very graciously signed my autograph book. :) Paul gave me a smile and said "Glad you could make it," sending my head reeling all over again that he actually knew who I was!

Around this time security started ushering us off of the dancefloor, so I figured, oh well, I've missed my shot at getting Kurt's autograph. But there he was in the lobby, still chatting and signing autographs! So I waited my turn, and then the security started ushering us out of the lobby. So I figured, oh well, that'll be the end of THAT, but then Kurt went out into the street to keep signing! And Kurt's just chatting it up and being so friendly to everyone. Finally, he asks, "Um... what's the temperature?" "Around 19 degrees," someone answered. "And, what am I wearing...?" he continued. Well, it wasn't like he planned to go out in the cold, so he was only wearing a t-shirt! So it hit me I have one of those coats that has two layers, and you zip the heavier outer coat onto a lighter inner coat-- if he's going to go to all this trouble for us, the least I can do is give him my outer coat to wear. So I did, and he seemed quite grateful. Finally my turn came up and he asked where I came from, and I told him Pittsburgh. And he looked up at me and said "You're not going to try and drive back home tonight, are you?" sounding genuinely concerned. I assured him that no, I had a friend I was staying with. Elizabeth took some pictures of the whole thing for me:

See, there's that dopey smile I was telling you about. I wore it all night. And probably all the next day too.

Kurt in my coat!

So eventually the crowd died down to just the five of us, and Kurt gave me back my coat, and we called it a night. I made my goodbyes, glad to have gotten to meet everyone-- not just the band, but Elizabeth and Ghost in Daylight and PsiFi too. I felt very lucky, not just that I got to experience all this, but that I got to experience it with the people in our little InSoc MySpace community too. Since these are the people I've been seeing and talking to ever since the band came back, it just felt right.

While saying goodbye, I said "You know, this is probably the third best night of my life, right behind my wedding and my daughter being born." And I think it was. Because not only was it the best concert I've ever been to by my favorite band doing songs I never ever dreamed I'd get to hear them play, not only did they actually *recognize* me and were all so damn friendly... but it was a complete and total success for me, mentally and emotionally, in a situation that could have stressed me out not more than three months ago.

Maybe it's a sign, a sign that 2008 is going to be a year where things keep improving. I hope so. We're off to a beautiful start.

So thank you again. Thank you to Elizabeth, Steve and AJ for making this trip possible, to Paul Robb, Kurt Harland Larson and James Cassidy, both for working so hard to put on such a great show and for each one of you making me feel so special, to Joy for being so supportive and encouraging about both the concert and my getting better, and to Sue for being such a great guide helping me get to where I am today. You're all fantastic and I am so very, very blessed to have you all in my lives.

New Beginnings

As anyone who's been keeping an eye on Joy's blog will know, September has brought a lot of changes for our family. The biggest change is that Joy is now in training to become a computer machinist. She's doing really well at it. Every day she tells me of some new math she's learning or a new piece she's making with the machinery, and I'm just totally in awe of her. She's facing her challenges and even though she's nervous about it she's meeting them head on and winning. After all these years she continues to be an inspiration to me.

Mylene's back in school too, and now in the second grade. She's still struggling with her spelling but as usual she's doing great in math. We've started playing hangman with her spelling words as a way of reinforcing them, and I think it helped a little this week. She's also been bitten by the theater bug! She was in a performance of The Jungle Book over the summer (she played Kaa), and has still been pursuing acting and singing lessons twice a week now.

As for me, well, I'm settling in quite comfortably in my new full-time role as Mr. Mom. I get up with Joy somewhere between 5:30 and 6:00 AM, help her pack her lunch and spend breakfast with her, and then see her off to class. Then I have about an hour until I have to get Mylene up for school, which I usually spend either getting little things done around the house or checking my daily rounds on the interweb tubes. Then it's time to get Mylene up and ready for school and out to the bus in time.

From there I try to make sure the place is clean and everything is in order for everyone; Joy's got so much to focus on, I don't want her to have to worry about the house, and I want her to have a peaceful environment to study in. Anyone who's been a regular visitor to our house knows what a challenge that is! I seem to be doing okay with the housework; the really tough part for me is all the social aspects of it that Joy used to coordinate. Making sure that doctors and teachers and other parents are all called as needed and everything's good to go, that kind of thing. Having to step outside of my shell and take the first step to contact people isn't always easy for me, but it's good for me to have this pushing me to do it now.

Mylene comes home first, and she tells me about her day and we go over her homework, and I start getting dinner ready for when Joy gets home. And no, it hasn't been pizza every day. ;) I'm actually learning to cook some new foods. Mostly simple chicken dishes, but since we all like chicken it's worked out well for us all. And luckily for me Joy is very easy to please when it comes to dinner. It's been really great though and each successful meal just inspires me to want to learn how to cook more.

Then we all sit down and have dinner together around the table and talk about our day. That may not sound like a big deal, but it really is for me. I really liked it when my family started doing that when Mom & Jim got married when I was growing up. Until now we've always just kind of winged it in our family, with each of us having whatever we wanted for dinner whenever we wanted. A lot of dinners in front of the TV, that kind of thing! Which worked fine for a while, but now that we're spending so much time apart I really feel like this helps bring everyone back together.

I've really been enjoying the whole experience. It's a totally different direction for me, but I think it's been the most rewarding thing I've ever done.