Here's Cassidy.

This is Cassidy. Cassidy was rescued by Roxanne at the PetSmart where she works. Poor little Cassidy had been abandoned there with a broken pelvis.

Roxanne took her to several vets. The first vet told her he believed there was nerve damage, and recommended that she be put down. The second vet told her to keep her in a cage for six weeks so she didn't strain the broken pelvis, and give it a chance to heal.

So when Joy, Mylene and I visited Roxanne and Derek for the 4th of July, Joy was taken with her and wanted to bring her home. At which point she named her Cassidy. (As in Hopalong Cassidy, since when she walked she had to hop. The fact that I'm posting this on James Cassidy's birthday is just a complete coincidence.)

We took her to our vet, who said he felt she'd spent enough time in the cage and should try and use the leg as much as she could. And boy, could she! She scampers and plays and climbs... although she doesn't jump very much. She uses the leg better and better every day. At her last trip to the vet, the vet said she'd regained 80% of the usage in her leg!

She is QUITE the cuddler.

And she is VERY fierce when hunting down Webkinz Bunnies.

Snickers likes playing with her too, but I don't have any pictures of that yet.

We're all very happy that Cassidy has joined our family!!




Well... all of us except Ivanova, that is.

Information Society Concert in Philly

I've tried starting this blog about four times! This was a really big deal to me, on a LOT of different levels. So forgive me if the story wanders a bit. I have a lot to cover!

Okay, so basic set up here: I think everyone knows that Information Society is one of my all-time favorite bands. They splintered into various solo acts in the mid-90's, and then went into totally different careers by the time 2000 rolled around. So my favorite band was essentially dead and gone. So I was already thrilled when they got back together again in 2006, and put out a GREAT album in 2007 called Synthesizer.

They're not doing a lot of concerts, so when they announced in November that they were coming to Philly in January, I knew I HAD to go to this show. I had no idea how I was going to pull it off, but still, I started trying to make some plans.

As December started drawing to a close, those plans were falling apart. I was getting bummed about it, and I realized I needed to rearrange my thinking. Look at this realistically, I told myself-- I don't HAVE to go to this show. I just really, really WANT to go to this show. Once I realized that distinction in my mind, I found an inner peace with not being able to go. There was still regret, definitely, but in the larger scale of things I have what I NEED-- a loving family, wonderful friends, a roof over our head and food on the table.

The show was being filmed for a DVD release, which was something of a mixed blessing-- on the one hand, I'd defintely get to see the show eventually... on the other hand, I know every other time something like this has happened, I've watched the video with a bittersweet feeling in my chest that I could have actually been there for it, been a part of it, but I wasn't. But I decided I really wanted to look at the glass as half full, and made my peace with the fact that I'd at least be able to still see the show when it came out on DVD.

So I contacted everyone I'd been making plans with to let them know I wasn't going to be able to make it... and then some very wonderful people stepped up to make sure it would all come together for me. Elizabeth made sure I'd be able to get to the show. Steve made sure I'd be able to get my ticket. And AJ made sure I'd be able to have a place to stay.

I felt so blessed I thought my heart would burst. :) Seriously, I don't know what I did to deserve having so many people looking out for me and watching over me. Thank you again, one and all!!!!

As I was packing to leave on Saturday morning, Joy and I were talking about all the various details about the trip, and I realized... this is a very big thing I'm accomplishing here. I've been so held down by depression and anxiety over the last year that the very concept of me traveling across the state by myself, meeting someone I've never met in person before, and reuniting with a friend I haven't seen in over 15 years... I never could have done this two months ago. I would have been panicking and/or so afraid of what people would think of me that I would have just given up as soon as the first stumbling blocks came up. The very fact that I was making this trip-- and felt totally confident of my ability to make it-- was a huge step forward for me! I pointed this out to Joy and she gave me a hug, telling me how glad she was of how far I've come.

I left a message on James's myspace page to say I was on my way to the show, and he sent me back a message saying how glad he was that I was going to make it and asking if my daughter was coming! How cool is that??

So off I went, spirits high, Mapquest directions in hand, bags full of snacks and water, and my iPod shuffling all my InSoc (just to be uber-geeky). I made it to AJ's with very little trouble, and he showed me his place and we chatted for an hour or so before I had to leave for the show. Seeing him again was good. He's changed in a lot of ways but in many ways it felt like the old days when I'd hang out at his place.

So, next stop: The Trocadero Theater! I had forgotten what it was like to drive through a big city freeway that you're not familiar with at dark. A bit stressful, but I made it with no problems, and found parking easily enough. After a few false starts of walking the wrong way, I reached the theater at about 7:15 and got in line. I was only there for about ten minutes, when the next people to get in line behind me were none other than Ghost in Daylight, PsiFi and Elizabeth! We recognized each other from our profiles and made our official hellos and chatted a bit.

I stood in line with a feeling of amazement and disbelief. I was actually here. This was really going to happen! I had totally resigned myself to missing all this, yet here I was. I could tell I had this big dopey grin on my face but I just didn't care.

They let us in around 8:15, and we made our way towards the stage. There were two opening acts, Cesium 137 and Thou Shalt Not, which I might have enjoyed a bit more if a) I was familiar with their music and/or b) the volume was about 100 decibles lower. I usually love watching live bands I know nothing about, and they were both totally energetic and fun to watch, but in both cases it was just hard to make out anything they were playing. At one point the vibrations were physically getting to be too much, and all of a sudden I just had this realization that I was totally crowded in and I could feel the panic rising. So I closed my eyes and centered myself-- one of the things my counselor has talked with me about is the concept of a "teflon mind," where you see what the situation is and what you're feeling and you acknowledge it, but you just let it slide off, without taking it inside yourself. So that's what I did, I just acknowledged that yes, I am feeling panicked but there's nothing really to panic over, and I'm here to have a good time, so let's just let the panic go and relax and have a good time. And it totally worked. :)

And then, at last, Information Society takes the stage. Now, I've seen them twice before-- once in 1990 during their "Hack" tour, and once in 1992 for the "Peace & Love Inc." tour, so I thought I had some idea of what I was in for. Boy, was I wrong. The 1990 show was very abrupt-- Kurt had very little banter between the songs, and when the last song was over he just said "Thank you, goodnight," left the stage, and that was it. No encores, no nothin'. The 1992 show was a little more friendly, and James came out and talked to us a little after the show and signed some autographs-- unfortunately I wasn't expecting that so I didn't have my autograph book with me for him to sign. I remember leaving that show feeling that James was the one who seemed the most relaxed with the whole thing, since Kurt and Paul both looked so serious on stage.

But this... this was a whole new Kurt. He had clowned on stage in the other shows, but in this one he just seemed the most relaxed I've ever seen him on stage. He was chatting between every song, and interacting with the crowd. "Now that we're officially washed up, we can do whatever the hell we want," he quipped.

The set itself was a wonderful blend, alternating between songs off of Synthesizer and classics from the older albums. They had said they were going to do stuff from even their early self-released EPs, but I was still shocked when they did "Growing Up with Shiva"-- one of my favorite tracks from their first EP, but one I never DREAMED I'd get to see live. I was figuring they'd probably do "Fall in Line," so this was a very pleasant surprise.

So I'm just enjoying the show, thrilling in every moment. I'd watch Kurt a lot since he was the center of attention, then James for a bit, then Paul for a bit. And so I'm watching Paul... and then stops, looks right at me, and mouths "Hi, Fer." And I am like TOTALLY BLOWN AWAY. He actually recognized little ol' me in the crowd!! So I just flash him a peace sign, he gives me a thumbs up, and goes back to making his music. I still get this warm fuzzy glow anytime I think about it. :)

And here's the real kicker-- someone caught it on tape!! After the show I was searching for clips on YouTube, and I freaked out all over again when the 45 second clip someone posted turned out to be of THAT moment. What are the odds?!? So here it is. For those of you who don't know the band, Paul's the tall blonde one on the right. Keep your eyes on him, you can practically read his lips saying "Hi Fer"!!!!!





Seriously, HOW COOL IS THAT?!?

To top it off, later in the set they played "I Like the Way You Werk It," and the monitors ran footage from their video for the song. To make this video they had asked that the fans send in footage of themselves doing the robot, and both Elizabeth and Mylene & I had done it. I didn't know if they would use all the clips they used in the video-- but they used Elizabeth's, and then there, larger than life on three giant monitors, was the clip of Mylene, MY KID, doing the robot!! Man, I hope that shows up on the DVD.

So after the show, we all hung around for a bit, hoping the band would show up. This time, I had my autograph book! After the '92 show I figured getting James's autograph was a safe bet, and I was hoping for Paul's, but I figured Kurt was probably gone. So I was shocked when Elizabeth pointed behind me and said "There's Kurt!" James and Paul also showed up shortly after, so I went to talk to them briefly first, to tell them how much I loved the show, and they very graciously signed my autograph book. :) Paul gave me a smile and said "Glad you could make it," sending my head reeling all over again that he actually knew who I was!

Around this time security started ushering us off of the dancefloor, so I figured, oh well, I've missed my shot at getting Kurt's autograph. But there he was in the lobby, still chatting and signing autographs! So I waited my turn, and then the security started ushering us out of the lobby. So I figured, oh well, that'll be the end of THAT, but then Kurt went out into the street to keep signing! And Kurt's just chatting it up and being so friendly to everyone. Finally, he asks, "Um... what's the temperature?" "Around 19 degrees," someone answered. "And, what am I wearing...?" he continued. Well, it wasn't like he planned to go out in the cold, so he was only wearing a t-shirt! So it hit me I have one of those coats that has two layers, and you zip the heavier outer coat onto a lighter inner coat-- if he's going to go to all this trouble for us, the least I can do is give him my outer coat to wear. So I did, and he seemed quite grateful. Finally my turn came up and he asked where I came from, and I told him Pittsburgh. And he looked up at me and said "You're not going to try and drive back home tonight, are you?" sounding genuinely concerned. I assured him that no, I had a friend I was staying with. Elizabeth took some pictures of the whole thing for me:

See, there's that dopey smile I was telling you about. I wore it all night. And probably all the next day too.

Kurt in my coat!

So eventually the crowd died down to just the five of us, and Kurt gave me back my coat, and we called it a night. I made my goodbyes, glad to have gotten to meet everyone-- not just the band, but Elizabeth and Ghost in Daylight and PsiFi too. I felt very lucky, not just that I got to experience all this, but that I got to experience it with the people in our little InSoc MySpace community too. Since these are the people I've been seeing and talking to ever since the band came back, it just felt right.

While saying goodbye, I said "You know, this is probably the third best night of my life, right behind my wedding and my daughter being born." And I think it was. Because not only was it the best concert I've ever been to by my favorite band doing songs I never ever dreamed I'd get to hear them play, not only did they actually *recognize* me and were all so damn friendly... but it was a complete and total success for me, mentally and emotionally, in a situation that could have stressed me out not more than three months ago.

Maybe it's a sign, a sign that 2008 is going to be a year where things keep improving. I hope so. We're off to a beautiful start.

So thank you again. Thank you to Elizabeth, Steve and AJ for making this trip possible, to Paul Robb, Kurt Harland Larson and James Cassidy, both for working so hard to put on such a great show and for each one of you making me feel so special, to Joy for being so supportive and encouraging about both the concert and my getting better, and to Sue for being such a great guide helping me get to where I am today. You're all fantastic and I am so very, very blessed to have you all in my lives.

New Beginnings

As anyone who's been keeping an eye on Joy's blog will know, September has brought a lot of changes for our family. The biggest change is that Joy is now in training to become a computer machinist. She's doing really well at it. Every day she tells me of some new math she's learning or a new piece she's making with the machinery, and I'm just totally in awe of her. She's facing her challenges and even though she's nervous about it she's meeting them head on and winning. After all these years she continues to be an inspiration to me.

Mylene's back in school too, and now in the second grade. She's still struggling with her spelling but as usual she's doing great in math. We've started playing hangman with her spelling words as a way of reinforcing them, and I think it helped a little this week. She's also been bitten by the theater bug! She was in a performance of The Jungle Book over the summer (she played Kaa), and has still been pursuing acting and singing lessons twice a week now.

As for me, well, I'm settling in quite comfortably in my new full-time role as Mr. Mom. I get up with Joy somewhere between 5:30 and 6:00 AM, help her pack her lunch and spend breakfast with her, and then see her off to class. Then I have about an hour until I have to get Mylene up for school, which I usually spend either getting little things done around the house or checking my daily rounds on the interweb tubes. Then it's time to get Mylene up and ready for school and out to the bus in time.

From there I try to make sure the place is clean and everything is in order for everyone; Joy's got so much to focus on, I don't want her to have to worry about the house, and I want her to have a peaceful environment to study in. Anyone who's been a regular visitor to our house knows what a challenge that is! I seem to be doing okay with the housework; the really tough part for me is all the social aspects of it that Joy used to coordinate. Making sure that doctors and teachers and other parents are all called as needed and everything's good to go, that kind of thing. Having to step outside of my shell and take the first step to contact people isn't always easy for me, but it's good for me to have this pushing me to do it now.

Mylene comes home first, and she tells me about her day and we go over her homework, and I start getting dinner ready for when Joy gets home. And no, it hasn't been pizza every day. ;) I'm actually learning to cook some new foods. Mostly simple chicken dishes, but since we all like chicken it's worked out well for us all. And luckily for me Joy is very easy to please when it comes to dinner. It's been really great though and each successful meal just inspires me to want to learn how to cook more.

Then we all sit down and have dinner together around the table and talk about our day. That may not sound like a big deal, but it really is for me. I really liked it when my family started doing that when Mom & Jim got married when I was growing up. Until now we've always just kind of winged it in our family, with each of us having whatever we wanted for dinner whenever we wanted. A lot of dinners in front of the TV, that kind of thing! Which worked fine for a while, but now that we're spending so much time apart I really feel like this helps bring everyone back together.

I've really been enjoying the whole experience. It's a totally different direction for me, but I think it's been the most rewarding thing I've ever done.

Fer's PrideFest Adventure

I went to Harrisburg to attend PrideFest with a little bit of trepidation. I've never gone to a gay pride event before but have always wanted to. A gay friend of mine from Philly wasn't interested in driving out halfway to meet me there, and the lesbian couple I'm friends with at work weren't really interested in going either, so I went by myself. The drive was 3 hours but it didn't feel too long-- I had some good tunes to play on the road, and I was looking forward to it. When we go to conventions we start seeing cars with anime stickers and such on them as we get closer, so I kept looking at the other cars as I was driving up, but all I saw were stickers for Bush and a lot of those ribbon magnets.

I finally arrive at Harrisburg, and start circling around to find the park where it's being held. (You know MapQuest directions... actual reality may vary.) I was starting to worry that I was lost when I saw a park with a rainbow-arrangement of balloons. I turn to follow it and got a little rush as I saw more of the park, now lined with LOTS of balloons and rainbow flags! Ooh, and look at all the cars! Lots of gay pride and John Kerry bumper stickers! 

 

Oh cool, and across the street is a bunch of protesters with signs and megaphones shouting about how we're going to hell! Wow! 

 

So I finally find a parking spot and head on in. The walkway into the park is lined with rainbow flags and two smiling people holding signs saying "God is Love" and "Love is All." It's like this bright, optimistic walkway into a new world. As I look closer to the flags I'm sobered some when I realize each one has a little plaque on it, dedicated to someone who has died of AIDS. 

Inside the park, there's a stage set up where people are performing (mostly musicians) and lots and lots of booths. One of the first booths I come across is for the Human Rights Campaign (www.hrc.org), which I'd seen their logo around ( a yellow "equal" symbol in a blue square) but never got the details of exactly who they are and what they do. Essentially, they're trying to counter all the things that the Bush administration is doing against gay civil rights. I liked what I heard so I made a donation.  

Lots of booths selling rainbows on just about anything you can think of. Flags, shirts, keychains, magnets, teddy bears, bracelets, necklaces, etc. etc. etc. I browse the booths, I look at the crowds, I buy some pizza. I'm not exactly great at starting up conversations with strangers but in a couple cases I have a few short talks with people. Mostly I just watch and listen in on other people's conversations. There's a few drag queens and people dressed loud (my favorite one was a kid with a Mohawk dyed in a rainbow) and a few people who if you saw on the street you'd go "Oh yeah, they're gay," but most of the people just look like your average people on the street, just wearing pride pins and shirts. And of course, a lot more same-sex couples holding hands.

The protesters were quite fun to watch. They were all religious groups, of course, and there were three different groups, spaced out along the street. There was a decent amount of police to make sure things stayed calm. Most of the protesters had signs that said "REPENT!" and similar things. The one I found most interesting was one that said "THIS WAY TO HELL -->" and was being held up by a woman dressed in old fashioned clothing, and which obviously she was supposed to keep pointed at us. The thing was, over the course of the day, she'd get tired and start holding it kind of lazily, so instead it was sometimes pointing the hospital next to her, or the building behind her... which I knew from circling around to find a parking space was a church! Woah, careful with that sign, Eugene! 

 

The people with the "God is Love" signs would also wave their signs back at the protesters, which I thought was a good tactic. 

 

Most of the protesters are of course shouting about how the Bible says homosexuality is an abomination, and how Jesus is the only true way to God and other similar things. One guy, however, is getting a lot more personal. He's yelling things like "When someone murders, there is no murderer's pride! When they rape, there is no rapists pride! What makes you Sodomites think YOU'RE the exception? The law may be on your side today, but God is not! You are going to hell, and you hate it when a preacher man stands here and warns you about it!" 

 

So eventually the police step in, which gets a round of applause from the people in the park watching him, myself included. The main officer talking to him, this big, black tough looking cop, is shaking his finger at him and obviously is losing patience with the protester. And as I watch, I find I've got a lot of different feelings going through me at once, and wondering if I was right to applaud. Sure, I think the guy is verbally abusive, and I think it's sad that someone is so narrow-minded in their beliefs that they can't see they're responding to a gathering based on love with an act of hate... but he's doing it because he honestly believes that our souls need saving. Even if I don't agree with him, I respect his right to believe it. Not to mention his right to say it-- if he was over here in the park holding a "We must protect the sanctity of marriage!" rally, then we'd be the ones on the other side of the street doing the protesting. Do I want him gone? Sure. Do I get a feeling of relief watching this policeman tell him to shut up? Absolutely. But do I want the policeman to take away his right to say it? No, definitely not.

So watching this sight, I just had this amazing mixture of feelings and I thought, you know, I should take a picture of this so I can explain it to everyone later. So I went up to take it, and two guys asked me not to-- "If you give him the attention, it just feeds him," they said. Well, personally I figured his attention was pretty much occupied by the police right now, but I agreed with their point-- don't feed the trolls. So I didn't take the picture. But man, I still wish I had. 

 

About an hour later, I see a paddy wagon where the protester was with its lights flashing. The police arrested him and his group. They've left the other two protest groups alone, though-- I guess since they were more general preaching and less specifically abusive. 

 

In general, I'm enjoying the festival... at one point I was looking at necklaces. I normally don't wear jewelry much anymore, since people are confused enough when they see me, but in this environment I can go to town. I find this nice little round one made out of a blue and green rock, so it looks like a little Earth on a leather rope. And as I'm picking it out, a new band comes on stage and starts playing Erasure's "Respect," which has of course always been a staple in my Better Than Radio tapes, but which you never hear anywhere else anymore. The moment felt really good... a real sense of "yeah, I belong here." The kind of feeling I got at my first convention. 

 

But I've got to say, overall during the day I found I was having very mixed feelings. Now, I know I'm very lucky to be surrounded by such good friends and family who are understanding and supportive. But... well, everyone in my life over here is pretty straight and while everyone is cool about me none of them really *get it.* So I function in a straight world just fine, but I still always feel a little out of step. And I found I was feeling the same way here. A part of everything, having a good time and being accepted... but I still felt like I was the only bi in the place.

I've read about this happening to bi people, but I guess for some reason going into this I thought it would be different. See, the "politically correct" term you're supposed to use for anything gay is GLBT (or sometimes LGBT). It stands for Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender. Personally it always makes me feel like I'm the bacon in a BLT sandwich, but that's the PC term everyone uses. So when the promotional stuff I saw for this event said "An open invitation has been issued to all lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgendered, and questioning members of our community along with their families and friends to gather..." I thought this meant there was actually going to be something there geared towards the Bacons, and didn't realize it was just so them being, well, PC. Which, y'know, is good and all-- the promotional stuff could have just said "Lesbian and Gay" and stopped there, so it's inclusion in the invitation, and that's a start. 

 

But there were no bi-themed flags, shirts, keychains, magnets, teddy bears, necklaces, etc. etc. etc. I did find one bracelet. It was the wrong colors (the bi colors are pink-purple-blue, and this was red-purple-blue), but I bought it just to be appreciative to the vendor for making the effort. There was stuff for the Bear pride (big hairy guys), Leather pride (pretty self-explanatory there, and yes, they do have their own flag and colors), lesbian-specific booths, and a transgender booth. But for bis... not so much.

Kinda' like going to a science fiction convention and the whole dealer's room is filled with nothing but stuff for Phantom Menace. 

 

It seemed to me that the problem was that bis weren't answering the invitation. I mean, I've been a vendor, if the stuff sells out you bring more next time, and if it doesn't sell then you stop bringing it. A transgender group got a booth together, but apparently there was no bi group to do the same. Over the course of the day I counted three other people wearing something to show bi pride. So there was four of us bi folk who showed up in a crowd of several thousand! 

 

So after about four hours, I headed back home. The festival still had about another hour to go, but I figured I'd seen enough. I had a good time, but I would have enjoyed it more if there was someone I could have gone with and talk about things with while I was there, and if there had been more there geared towards my group. I wouldn't drive three hours each way to do it again, but there will be a local one in Pittsburgh next June, and I'll probably go to that. I've looked to see if there are any bi groups around Pittsburgh to be a part of it. There is one, but they haven't updated their website since 2004. I'm inspired enough to keep looking into it.

Whatever Happened to Chris Lapisardi?

Ever just punch the names of people you used to know into Google or Yahoo, just 'cause you're curious whatever happened to them? I mean, everyone's on the net in some way these days.

Well, I was playing around doing it one night, and it hit me, "Hey, if anyone I used to know would do this for me, they wouldn't find squat. All my stuff is under Fer Goodnough these days."

Soooo, I thought I'd mention it here and get the word out, that Fer Goodnough and Chris Lapisardi are the same person. Y'know, just in case.

So here's a short list of people who I've lost touch with, yet haven't found on any of my internet searches (at least not with any certainty that I've found the right person). So if you were curious and found me, feel free to drop me a line at fer_at_2xlrobot.com. Don't be a stranger.

(Oh, and if you don't see your name on this list, I apologize, don't be offended. It's just a short list off the top of my head at 2 AM, and more names will surely be added in the future.)

Conor Burns
Bill Ayres (aka Jetsam)
Paul Bizich
Chrissy Hamilton
Rook Moon
Lamont Reamer
Andrea Ritter
Brian B. Smith (aka Flotsam)

Star Trek: Love It or Leave It?

I just got back from seeing Star Trek Nemesis. Don't worry, this rant will be completely spoiler free. Suffice to say that I loved it and I feel it finally handled the Next Gen characters in the way they've needed to be handled for a long time: with character growth and change.

Dave, Rich, Steve and I sat around talking about it afterwards, and we all enjoyed it. Even Dave! This is the first Next Gen movie that Dave really liked. That's pretty cool. But it was late and I wanted to get home to Joy and Mylene, so we didn't get to discuss the movie as long as I would have liked.

I was on a high. I read all the magazine articles on Nemesis that I had been avoiding. And after Joy went to bed I decided to hop on the Trek message boards and share my enthusiasm with my fellow fans, and see how much everyone else liked it.

Well, that was where I made my big mistake.

The fans were trashing it right and left. Not all of them mind you, some of them tried to get in there and say "Well, I liked it, and here's why!" in which case they were usually attacked by the people who were loudly shouting about how much they hated it.

I was crestfallen. I didn't remember feeling this let down since... hmmm.... well, since the premiere of Enterprise, when I was on a high and jumped on the Trek message boards, only to see them trash it.

Now, I can understand the frustration with the current regime. I haven't agreed with everything that Rick Berman and Brannon Braga have done either. But one "fan" was so adamant in his hatred of the Berman / Braga regime that he was determined to not go see Nemesis opening weekend. But he caved and wouldn't wait, so he bought a ticket to a different movie and went in to see Nemesis instead, safe in the knowledge that at least Star Trek did not get his money, and he was not supporting Berman and Braga.

This is a fan?

To which I have to say... Why the hell are you still here?

Look, if you think Star Trek has sunk that low, has gotten that bad, then why are you still watching it? Why did you still have to go on opening night? Why did you have to go at all? And why, why, WHY, please answer me this, WHY do you feel you have to spend all night on the message board yelling at those of us who DID like it?

I'm not saying you have to like it. I'm not saying you're wrong to dislike it. You can say that every minute of Trek made since Rodenberry died has all been utter garbage, and that's fine, I respect that. What I want to know is, if you're hating it that much, why are you still wasting your time watching every single episode in the 10 years since then?

Sure, I feel that you can not be 100% satisfied with something and still have it be worth your time. For example, I feel Enterprise has been a mixed bag: they've done some stories I loved, some I thought were just okay, and others I aboslutely hated. My biggest complaints also fall with the Berman / Braga regime; basicly that they've gotten so stuck in their formula that they've gotten stale. But I feel that Star Trek continues to entertain me, so I still come back week after week. But if week after week you're consistantly hating it so much that you are now going in to each episode or movie saying "this is going to suck, and I dare them to prove me wrong" ...then really, why are you doing this to yourself?

Go watch Andromeda instead. Or Farscape. Or Firefly, or Stargate SG-1, or Taken, or Twilight Zone, or Odysssey 5, Smallville, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel, Dinotopia, Birds of Prey, Earth: Final Conflict, Mystery Science Theater 3000, Cleopatra 2525, Babylon 5...

Or if you have reasons why all those shows suck too, then here's a great idea: go read a book.

But please stop spending all your energy telling me why I'm wrong just because I actually enjoyed something. Channel your energy into something that is worthwhile and enjoyable for you.

One "fan" kept ending all his attacks with "Having fun yet?" Well yes, I am having fun with Star Trek. It's a shame you're not. I suggest you go somewhere that is more fun for you, and stop raining on my parade.

Or you know what, better yet... I think I'll just stop going to the message boards. They're no fun any more, and I'd rather spend my time doing something I enjoy.

Music is Infinite

Recently I realized that music is infinite.

I mean, okay, certain things you know are infinite. The universe. Time. Mathematics. God. We're taught that from an early age and as you get older you start to realize why they're infinite on your own.

But in my ever-growing search for new music this year, I was suddenly hit with the overwhelming realization of just how much music is out there. It's staggering. Okay, how many times have you gone into a music store, and they're got thousands of CDs... just not the one you're looking for. But wow, there is TONS of music in there you probably haven't heard.

Don't believe me? Wander over to the clearance rack. You know, the $1.99 bin that usually has no one you recognize. All musicians with hopes and dreams of getting their music heard by you.

Now add to that all the indepentantly made CDs of bands that never made even it into that music shop.

And then add all those old vynil records & 8-track tapes that never got re-issued onto CD.

Oh, and don't forget to add all those CDs that were in the shop, and all the CDs they were out of, and all the CDs that are now out of print...

... and wait, there's every single piece of background music from TV...

Okay, now take that number and multiply it by every country in the world.

But wait, you say-- Yes, that's a lot of music, but it's not INFINITE. You could concievably count them all.

But what about all the music never recorded? Before the invention of the tape recorder? Centuries and centuries of music passed down from person to person, some of which has to have been lost forever by now?

Heck, how many songs did you make up as a kid that you've now forgotten?

You could spend your entire life listening to every recording ever made, and still not hear them all. And you know what? There's new music coming out next Tuesday. And the Tuesday after that. And after that. If society ended tomorrow, as long as there was one human being left alive, there would still be new music you haven't heard.

Music is infinte.

Suddenly the universe seems like a much better place to live in.